Modest Expectations

Why do people expect something?I always wonder.Anytime.Everytime.Or, why do I expect? Everytime.Anytime.For the perfect friends,for the perfect family, for the perfect relations,for the perfect marks.Why do I need everything that has to be the best? No, nothing short will do.It just has to be right there,something which should match my fucking standards.Standards which I have set for myself in past few months, not knowing why,putting myself under a lot of stress unncessarily.Sometimes, you feel enough is enough(and trust me, i have felt this a lot of times).No, i don't want to do this.No.Let me be myself.Atleast for the moment.Atleast for now. But no. You've to do things that will make you live in a "respectable" fashion.Always.Always.Always.

I come up with the above inexplicable emotions just because I did some of the questions in semester exams wrong.Or,the exam didn't go as I would like it to.I was so terribly upset.I mean if all it take is some stupid question to disturb your equilibrium, then something is wrong with you.I can't go to anyone, say anything. Everything will sound so mechanical,boring,childish,insignificant. "C'mon Dude! It's just a few questions.Get a life". That is what it is. Just a few questions.But that is not the point.It is not about a few questions, it is about few things. It is how do you prioritise things in life,or how do have i prioritised things in my own life.Why have I given some things unnecessary importance ?Why do i want to cling to certain things everytime?Why do my world revolves around it? What is it?

You know who I envy the most?No,not the toppers,not the millionaries(for roaming around in perfect cars with hot models),not the super intelligent brainy who wears braces and knows the answers to all the questions,not the handsome hunks who sweep the most gorgeous girls of their feet.None of them.

I envy people who are content with themselves.No matter what they are,how they are,they accept themselves.They love themselves unconditionallyand they don't care what other says or feel.I know many people might say this attitude as ignorance,cowardice,whatever.But if u ask me I want to be like them.I don't want to worry everytime.I don't want to be unhappy most of the time.

I'm upset with myself(not anything new,but anyways).I'm upset with myself for being so unrelenting to myself all the times.For pushing me into doing things I don't want to sometimes.For worrying infinitely over things which can't be helped.For fussing over small things,for worrying about my future everytime,for me wanting to like someone.For me wanting to have a perfect life!

Tanul,you still have chance.Redeem yourself.