Can Engineers be touchy feely-Chetan Bhagat's take

Can engineers be 'Touchy feely'? Apparently they can... says author Chetan Bhagat,I remember the incident - I was in a restaurant, andone girl in our group was especially charming. So I, like any other male, tried to put on a wooing act. You know the routine, a nanosecond extra eye contact, afew more nods to whatever she says, and attempts to throw in those one-liners which you know you wouldn't if she weren't there.

And it seemed to be working. She leaned forward whenshe spoke to me, and every now and again, we'd have a small conversation of our own, separate from ourgroup. She laughed at my approach with the fork and knife, and I teased her about her hair band, which had little teddy bears. Yes, we were flirting. A while later, she asked me the question - what did I study? I said engineering, without any particular meaning attached to it. And then like a cold metal rail, she went stiff. My jokes weren't funny any more. Her eyes wandered to everyone else. What was it?

Why? Why? Why?

Two days later, I still couldn't get over my great start that had dissipated listlessly upon mentioning my education. Engineer? What was wrong with that? My mom had wanted me to become one since I was five! I had to call her. 'So what happened to you that day, hot and cold, missie?' And then she said, trying to be nice, 'Well, it's just that I am skeptical about engineers as friends. I don't know, they can be, you know, very logical and everything... not very touchy feely'.

Not touchy-feely. Now what the heck did that mean?Well, she obviously did not mean it literally, since girls don't really suggest that sort of stuff,certainly not in the first meeting across the table. I guessed it was something to do with feelings, sort of having an emotional side. The stereotype being, the nerdy guy who sees relationships like laws of physics,to whom love is just a bunch of chemicals going crazy in your brain, and getting to know a person means obtaining their bio-data.


It's time to set the record straight.


It's true that a lot of what engineers study (and they end up studying quite a lot), has to do with formulaes, laws and numbers. No matter how hard we try, some of the vocabulary we read all day gets in to our language. So when my mother said, 'Are you getting married next year or not?' I was liable to say, 'Well, at this moment in time, the probability is relatively low,' and felt it was completely normal to say it. And when my sister went sari shopping and couldn't explain the shade she wanted, I told the shopkeeper the percentages of pink, orange and red in the sari.

Yet, ladies, I don't think we're bad at relationships,love and getting to know people. We too, can be touchy-feely, as that is part of our education as well. The reason for this is that most engineering students live in the ultimate educator - boy's hostels. Now, let me explain how this plays into this 'touchy-feely' thing. Relationships. Imagine eating,sleeping, brushing your teeth, bathing (ok rarely this one) and partying with the same people all the time.So, when you are kicking that bathroom door down for the tenth time, or when you stand in line for'gulab-jamuns' in the mess, and when you are done withthe vodka bottle and sharing all your secrets, you know it is good practice. Yes, hostels maketh the man.

So, next time you are in a flirtatious situation with the techno types, go on, flirt a bit more. Of course, I am biased towards my kind, but if you find the conversation turning too geeky, just ask them, 'So,what were your hostel days like?' and chances are,you'll see a heart behind the calculator. Coming backto my missie, I thought of what would make me win herover. Flowers... too cheesy. Music... don't know her taste (nor trust mine). Teddy bears... don't even go there. Desperate for some good lines, I just turned it right back at her. 'Yes, I know what you are saying about engineers. The thing is, unless people with depth like you start hanging out with us, we won't get any better. Can you meet me some time for sometouchy/feely... , I mean coffee/tea?' She giggled. When they giggle, you have won. Hence proved.!

BEING INDIFFERENT

Being Indifferent helps...most of the time
when you want to be with someone, but you can't be...
Just become indifferent..cold..numb so that you may be able to insulate the pain
so that you may decieve yourself..that she doesn't matter to you
or atleast she doesn't exist..
that you don't like her presence..even if by mistake
that you don't like her hair falling on her face
that you don't feel like that moment lasting forever
you may spend the entire day thinking about her, planning to say something intelligent,funny...but when she comes..you are tongue tied..again
you are frustrated,angry,irritated...by yourself and maybe herself to an extent...why is it that everytime i'll try...doesn't she feel anything for me??
May be you know the answer..and are afraid..or may be not and are confused
Sometimes you feel on top of the world...when you say something ans she just smiles...the world starts looking rosy...you even want to smile at the cynic watchman of your hostel... the professors of the class starts looking more humane...world more lively
but sometimes she just walks beside...as if you don't even exist..and even if you do...not for her atleast..you again feel irritated,angry,frustrated..
then your transient mood makes way for some so called sane logic...so what if she doesn't love me...is it necessary to be loved by eveyone??In particular,is it necessarythat she should love me??
You don't want to answer that..
these crests and troughs of emotions starts getting to you...inconspicously...
sometimes youfeel enough is enough...you want to pore your innermost desires of heart to her...how you feel about her...C'mon..feel is too feeble a word..you "LOVE" her...yes you "LOVE" her...you want to say what she means to you in all the syrupy ways possible...that life was never the same the time after she unconsciously ruffled your heart...that life will neverbe the same..NEVER
but the next time you meet her...she as usual looking beautiful...you start looking for excuses...no maybe today is not the day...what if she says no??what if she stops talking??what ifI lose her...Forever
Sometimes, it is not neccesary to say everything..there are times when you should relax and gauge the vibes...vibes which say that she doesn't feel for you the way you would like it to be...that may be happy ending happens only in Mills & Boons Novels or in Bollywood movies..that may be you are not that lucky...that may be...whatever...Just "SHUT UP"
As they say if love happens great(or atleast reciprocation to some level)..if not..then just become indifferent...it helps!!

LIVE TWICE

Dear Dad,
I know I’ve failed you once again. I couldn’t clear my Maths exam, I failed in Maths. Once again. But this time is not just any other time, it is class XII boards. I can’t bear to face myself or more than that, face you. I don’t think I will ever become an engineer you wanted me to be. Never. I don’t know why, but I can’t. I used to hate(and I still do) maths as a child and you hated me for hating maths. But I love you dad, I love you. May be in some other life, some other time, if I’m lucky enough (both to be intelligent and born as your son again), I’ll excel in maths. You’ll come from office and we’ll discuss the maths question paper together. Yes, dad. We’ll be happy, but not now. I’m too tired to absorb any emotion now. All I can think of now is the number of phone calls we’ll be getting after people get to know of my result. Relatives, my friends, your friends, everyone. Why did you fail? Yes, maybe to fail is an unpardonable offence( more so in a class XII exam). So just want to divert the attention.
Akash.


Yes, that is a suicide note, written by roughly 200 students around the result time (or may be less, some people are so messed up that they can’t even express how they feel). Why do they kill themselves? May be, because they think that they’ve done something wrong…something terribly wrong; and probably they’d have to provide compensation to their friends, family, society. And the compensation comes in the form of their own life.What exactly is failure? Securing less than 40 percent in maths? not clearing IIT? not living to your parent’s expectation? securing less aggregate than your neighbor?

When almost everyone says you to become like some one else, how do you feel? Irritated? Frustrated? Angry? Disillusioned? Why can’t I just be myself? You want to shout, but no one listens. Where you are frequently hounded by questions like, your dad/brother/sister/uncle cleared IIT; why you could not? You want to answer, even I can do several things which they can’t. But no one listens again. You feel yourself being judged by someone else on the basis of your board’s marks; or worse on the basis of marks in maths, physics,chemistry. Everytime, anytime. Why have I been born in a country where the parent decides everything for their kids, where everyone is besotted with the marks on their children’s report card, where only engineering and medical is considered “cool” or “ hot”. Where virtually everyone lives a programmed life. “ Do a Btech from IIT or any other very goddamn “good” engineering college, do an MBA after that…blah,blah,blah."

Most of the Indian parent live their life through their children ( I couldn’t become a Doctor, if my son becomes one, the void in my life will be filled). In their sons, they see themselves, through them, they live their dreams. And they make sure that their children reach their goal. No matter what price it may take. Parent’s attitude dominates over child’s aptitude. Are most of the suicides in our country driven parent's pressure? Their unrelenting nature of seeing their child successful. Everytime. Why in spite of loving their sons so much, they pretend to be a little callous, strict, unrelenting. Their son’s marks mattering to them above everything else. Above everything else. Atleast that’s what they pretend and that’s what their children think.That is why many Akash prefer dying than crying before their dad. Not that it is bravery or something; it still is cowardice, but a little less painful.

We’ve an entire generation wanting to become doctors or engineers without asking themselves what they really want to become.Most of them must be like me, with no special aptitude for anything, not even wondering how to manage, not really thinking. Try your luck with everything, something hopefully will click. But not everyone harbor the same views, there are some(and their number is very less) who have the philosophy of" One life,One dream,One chance". And what do we do? We Judge them by the same standards. The standards which say you are good enough only if you get more than x marks in physics, more than y in chemistry. Our present thinking and education system doesn’t do anything for to be writers, journalist, musician. You want to prepare for IIT? Kool. Our country has more than 500 coaching
institute and more than 50000 teachers to help you. But, if you want to be a creative writer…wait a second….what’s that?

But the point is, how much messed up people’s attitude in general is, does it matter? No matter, how much people demoralize you, does it matter? You should be able to back yourself up, trust your instincts and do everything (within your capacity) to do something you love doing. Because, you have only one life, you should do what you believe in, even if you fail you would have tried something you believed in and if you try hard enough, there is no reason you can fail. No one could have summed it up like Frank Sinatra did, “ You live only once, and the way I have lived, once is enough”.
Is one life enough for you?