BEING INDIFFERENT

Being Indifferent helps...most of the time
when you want to be with someone, but you can't be...
Just become indifferent..cold..numb so that you may be able to insulate the pain
so that you may decieve yourself..that she doesn't matter to you
or atleast she doesn't exist..
that you don't like her presence..even if by mistake
that you don't like her hair falling on her face
that you don't feel like that moment lasting forever
you may spend the entire day thinking about her, planning to say something intelligent,funny...but when she comes..you are tongue tied..again
you are frustrated,angry,irritated...by yourself and maybe herself to an extent...why is it that everytime i'll try...doesn't she feel anything for me??
May be you know the answer..and are afraid..or may be not and are confused
Sometimes you feel on top of the world...when you say something ans she just smiles...the world starts looking rosy...you even want to smile at the cynic watchman of your hostel... the professors of the class starts looking more humane...world more lively
but sometimes she just walks beside...as if you don't even exist..and even if you do...not for her atleast..you again feel irritated,angry,frustrated..
then your transient mood makes way for some so called sane logic...so what if she doesn't love me...is it necessary to be loved by eveyone??In particular,is it necessarythat she should love me??
You don't want to answer that..
these crests and troughs of emotions starts getting to you...inconspicously...
sometimes youfeel enough is enough...you want to pore your innermost desires of heart to her...how you feel about her...C'mon..feel is too feeble a word..you "LOVE" her...yes you "LOVE" her...you want to say what she means to you in all the syrupy ways possible...that life was never the same the time after she unconsciously ruffled your heart...that life will neverbe the same..NEVER
but the next time you meet her...she as usual looking beautiful...you start looking for excuses...no maybe today is not the day...what if she says no??what if she stops talking??what ifI lose her...Forever
Sometimes, it is not neccesary to say everything..there are times when you should relax and gauge the vibes...vibes which say that she doesn't feel for you the way you would like it to be...that may be happy ending happens only in Mills & Boons Novels or in Bollywood movies..that may be you are not that lucky...that may be...whatever...Just "SHUT UP"
As they say if love happens great(or atleast reciprocation to some level)..if not..then just become indifferent...it helps!!