LIVE TWICE

Dear Dad,
I know I’ve failed you once again. I couldn’t clear my Maths exam, I failed in Maths. Once again. But this time is not just any other time, it is class XII boards. I can’t bear to face myself or more than that, face you. I don’t think I will ever become an engineer you wanted me to be. Never. I don’t know why, but I can’t. I used to hate(and I still do) maths as a child and you hated me for hating maths. But I love you dad, I love you. May be in some other life, some other time, if I’m lucky enough (both to be intelligent and born as your son again), I’ll excel in maths. You’ll come from office and we’ll discuss the maths question paper together. Yes, dad. We’ll be happy, but not now. I’m too tired to absorb any emotion now. All I can think of now is the number of phone calls we’ll be getting after people get to know of my result. Relatives, my friends, your friends, everyone. Why did you fail? Yes, maybe to fail is an unpardonable offence( more so in a class XII exam). So just want to divert the attention.
Akash.


Yes, that is a suicide note, written by roughly 200 students around the result time (or may be less, some people are so messed up that they can’t even express how they feel). Why do they kill themselves? May be, because they think that they’ve done something wrong…something terribly wrong; and probably they’d have to provide compensation to their friends, family, society. And the compensation comes in the form of their own life.What exactly is failure? Securing less than 40 percent in maths? not clearing IIT? not living to your parent’s expectation? securing less aggregate than your neighbor?

When almost everyone says you to become like some one else, how do you feel? Irritated? Frustrated? Angry? Disillusioned? Why can’t I just be myself? You want to shout, but no one listens. Where you are frequently hounded by questions like, your dad/brother/sister/uncle cleared IIT; why you could not? You want to answer, even I can do several things which they can’t. But no one listens again. You feel yourself being judged by someone else on the basis of your board’s marks; or worse on the basis of marks in maths, physics,chemistry. Everytime, anytime. Why have I been born in a country where the parent decides everything for their kids, where everyone is besotted with the marks on their children’s report card, where only engineering and medical is considered “cool” or “ hot”. Where virtually everyone lives a programmed life. “ Do a Btech from IIT or any other very goddamn “good” engineering college, do an MBA after that…blah,blah,blah."

Most of the Indian parent live their life through their children ( I couldn’t become a Doctor, if my son becomes one, the void in my life will be filled). In their sons, they see themselves, through them, they live their dreams. And they make sure that their children reach their goal. No matter what price it may take. Parent’s attitude dominates over child’s aptitude. Are most of the suicides in our country driven parent's pressure? Their unrelenting nature of seeing their child successful. Everytime. Why in spite of loving their sons so much, they pretend to be a little callous, strict, unrelenting. Their son’s marks mattering to them above everything else. Above everything else. Atleast that’s what they pretend and that’s what their children think.That is why many Akash prefer dying than crying before their dad. Not that it is bravery or something; it still is cowardice, but a little less painful.

We’ve an entire generation wanting to become doctors or engineers without asking themselves what they really want to become.Most of them must be like me, with no special aptitude for anything, not even wondering how to manage, not really thinking. Try your luck with everything, something hopefully will click. But not everyone harbor the same views, there are some(and their number is very less) who have the philosophy of" One life,One dream,One chance". And what do we do? We Judge them by the same standards. The standards which say you are good enough only if you get more than x marks in physics, more than y in chemistry. Our present thinking and education system doesn’t do anything for to be writers, journalist, musician. You want to prepare for IIT? Kool. Our country has more than 500 coaching
institute and more than 50000 teachers to help you. But, if you want to be a creative writer…wait a second….what’s that?

But the point is, how much messed up people’s attitude in general is, does it matter? No matter, how much people demoralize you, does it matter? You should be able to back yourself up, trust your instincts and do everything (within your capacity) to do something you love doing. Because, you have only one life, you should do what you believe in, even if you fail you would have tried something you believed in and if you try hard enough, there is no reason you can fail. No one could have summed it up like Frank Sinatra did, “ You live only once, and the way I have lived, once is enough”.
Is one life enough for you?